{Continued from Part
IV}
The moment my family
went back home about 11pm, mama’s heart began beeping noisily, nurses and
doctors began coming in and out of her room. Some of them were giving me
haunting looks that gave so much meaning that I knew this was it … I called my
brother and father and aunts and soon they were at the hospital again. The
monitor and rollercoaster went on for 2 hours and soon my mom was stable
again.. Since it was late, my brother and me dozed off sometime during the
night.
My aunts and dad left again for home.
My aunts and dad left again for home.
At about 4am, my
brother and I were awakened by the loud noise coming form the heart monitor.
And the loud *teeettttttt* would forever be ringing in my head and my
nightmares. Soon, doctors and nurses crowded the room… During the course my mom
was at the hospital she signed a document that indicated she should not be
resuscitate (DNR). Knowing that this
could be the end, I called my dad to come to the hospital. However he
accidently left his phone at the hospital. After almost 2hours of calling we
got through my cousin who was in sungapore at that time who called his mom (who
was at my house) of the situation and by then it was the end . The sound of
that *teeetttttt* was so deafening that I stood frozen from shocked. The only thing I could think and muster the
strength to do was message my close families and inform what had happened and
called my husband. From what I could remember, all I wanted was my husband to
be there with me. And thank god my brother was there, as I was frozen with shock.
Since it was an office day, everyone tried their best to rushed to the
hospital. Soon, families, friends and people that I don’t recognize and I
haven’t seen in ages, flooded the hospital corridors. Soon news of my mom
passing flooded and circulated on Facebook and friends and families near and
far knew of the news.
It felt like forever
for my husband to reach me. And soon my aunts (my moms and dads side), my dad,
my grandma (my mom’s adopted mom) and close families were at the hospital. Since
the hospital was equipped to do what’s necessary to get my mom “ready” to meet
her maker. We took care of all the preparation at the hospital itself. Soon
after we drove back home, bringing her back home for the last time. Reaching
home I was lost in the crowd that gathered at my house. I barely could see or
recognize faces of who was there. I was just “LOST”. Soon people were giving
their last respect and got to “see” and kiss my mom for the last time. And soon
she was driven to the nearby mosque to be given her last blessing and to be
prayed by all her loved ones.
I was at home lost
and crying my heart out in my room. However, I truly appreciate EVERYONE that
came to the mosque to pray for her safe return to the arms of ALLAH. I learned from families that there were
hundreds of people at the mosque. What makes me sad but proud was when I found
out that a lot of my friends and their families were at the mosque giving their
last respect for my mom. And even more touching was some of the friends and
their families that came were people that I have encountered throughout my life
and even though we weren’t even close they took time out of their schedule to
be there. For that may Allah bless all of your souls…!!
After ZUHUR prayers, my mum was safely buried
at the Muslim cemetery located in USJ21. A small crowd showed up to give their
last respects and help to lay her to rest in the ground where her body will lay
in peace and her soul be set free. It was nice to see familiar faces, close
families and even my husbands side of the family also came to give their
prayers to her.
That night, at the Surau beside my house a tahlil (prayers for passed souls) was
organized and friends and families from all around who couldn’t make it during
the day came to pray, berzikir (religious chanting) and wished condolences to
the families,. I was still in the state of shocked. Since it was almost 30hours
plus since I last slept or ate anything, my body just couldn’t take it and I
just collapsed into a silence nightmare of awareness. Neither sleeping nor
awake, I was in limbo….
The next few days was
the hardest cause I would always want to call my moms hand phone asking what
she wants to eat or for me to bring her anything (a reflex as it was a routine phone
call for the past 3 months),I would constantly think of going to the hospital
to visit her.. And I would sometimes think I could still hear her calling my
name. Soon, the emptiness will always filled me with tears when reality hits
that she will never be with me ever again. This limbo feeling hit my whole
family. It took us a few weeks to really
grasp what had happened. The support from my Aunts, Uncles, Grandma, my
in-laws, my hubby and my family especially my brother gave me the strength to
make it through the hard times. My brother and I bonded and became much closer
then we were because of this situation…=)..
Next month would be
the 1year anniversary of her passing. As much as I miss her, I know she is in a
better place. She is no longer suffering, struggling or in pain. Which, I would
prefer rather then for her to be alive but in constant pain. I hope she is
looking down on us and is proud of how we all turned out. May Allah rest your
soul Mama. You will always and forever remain in my heart. Whenever I look in
the mirror, it will always bring me warmth that there’s a little piece of you
within me. I hope to one day to grow up to be like YOU….
I miss you… I love
you….
You are truly the
warrior and QUEEN of my heart..!!
~ Al-Fathihah ~
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