Lets just skip a fews ahead, when i first heard of your trip to Europe the first time was through facebook and by then seeing pictures being uploaded. I didnt even heard anything before that, but i was happy for you that you had the chance to visit all the places i could only wish i could. So, when you invited me to join for your second trip, I was ecstatic!! I finally have my chance to realize my dreams.
Since, i have never been out of the contry without my parents. I was clueless on all the planning part. I admit that. I honestly and truly appreciate you and your "New Best Friend" (NBF) work and dedication in planning the hotels, flights and all. I was also happy and excited that your fiancée was joining us too. I truly was, he is an awesome guys even i though only met him only a few times before.
And so we departed Malaysia, we were all happy and excited. Then you ahd a small misunderstanding with ur fiance. I know mayb i should have said certain this what i said. When i think back i shouldve "SHUT MY BIG FAT MOUTH UP".. but like i said, i thought as your BF (i thought i was anyway) that i should and can be direct . As in tell u as it is, and i wasnt even harsh or said what i wanna say. I believe what i said was according to the situation and had nothing to do with my situation in life.
After that 1st day you guys were ok back, and i thought this is where the adventure starts. I has enjoying my time at the first destination. The only shit thing was i sprained my ankle. At first i thought was i has blisters only at the second country that i realized i has a sprained ankle. I know i slowed everyone down, i did my best to keep up even when i was in pain. But what i saw and realized brought me to tears. You were mainly with your NBF, lucky for me your fiance was kind enough to walk with me when i was left behind and was the only one being genuinely acknowledging my hurt and pain. Even when i had my tear session, i was wishing i had my parents/my bf/ or just plainly any of my other good friends to be worried and caring about me . I didnt want/mean that i wanted u to be hovering over me. But i just wished you cared enough to care. I just couldnt take the pain, that i rather walk back alone back to the hotel we were staying cause when i said i was leaving, you and your NBF had the look of impatient that you guys prefer to still be walking around rather then walk me back to the hotel. I didnt mind, i could find the place on my own. I just wished i saw a little more caring-ness and mayb a little understanding from you. Not from ur NBF or your Fiance, but from you... The only person who i felt cared a bit was ur Fiance.
By the time we moved to be 3rd country i was just numb and just rather think about me,myself and i . But i was genuinely appreciated when your fiance help to pull my heavy bag up the hill in Salzburg. I could do it..I admit its my poor planning and packing . And there i had really bad case of diarrhoea. Lucky for us its at the airport, though i didnt slept much. I tried my absolutely hardest not to disturb anyone unless i had too.
By the time we reach London, we found the pill to stop the purging and i was absolutely happy again. I have always dream of coming to London, my dream was to visit the Madam Tussauds and Buckingham Palace. I think that i couldnt stop talking about the place the moment u invited me for the trip. If you think its your dream to visit VENICE and SALZBURG... It was my dream to visit London. !! Actually its my dream to even set foot in EUROPE in general doesnt matter where we went. But when we reach here, all of the sudden u just freaking ignored me, how do u think i felt. ???? Im here thinking that this trip was awesome that i am going for a euro trip with MY BEST FRIEND.. but i just forgot she was here with her NEW BEST FRIEND and FIANCE. Where did that leave me ?? You guess it right.. all alone.
When we had only 1 day to be in London, I thought u would have been understanding and help me realizing my dream of finally to see the 2 places i've only dreamt about. I know you have been there before and have seen both of what i wanted to see. But, to have seen/felt that u didnt care thats just a slap to my face . There and then, i truly asked myself... Where is my best friend?? I dont see her anymore?? I dont even know who u are. The day started with you so selfishly woke up at 9am, leisurely walking around to go eat fish and chips at about 11am, there we were losing half a day. If i knew you didnt wanna go to from the night before, i would have woken up early and went exploring myself. I just felt u and ur NBF was just so selfish. Thats when i snapped and cant wait to go back home. Lucky i got to go to one of my dreams places Mdm.Tussaud. But still, ur selfishness was a wake up i needed.
On ur important day, i was soo happy for u and you looked gorgeous, Anyone how asked me i have answered that way, but im sorry i had to leave early and abruptly. You may not have understand , but all the emotions just rush through me that i couldnt hold my tears any longer. And i dont mean the "boo hoo hoo" kind.. i mean the heartbreaking, hysterical,gut retching, cant breath kind. And i didnt even made it to the car before i burst. All the memories, good, bad, awesome, ugly just came back all in one that it took me 1hour to get to the Boo-hoo-hoo crying stage. I didnt mean for me to leave early to make ppl talk. But if i stayed, it wouldve been bad. And for those haters, who corrupted ur mind thinking i left cause i was jealous that you got engage first after knowing eah other less than 1year and me after 5 years still nothing. They are all full of shit, i told u before even when i first found out u were getting engage. Yes, i question my relationship and i would have wished i would get engage soon too. But i NEVER ...NEVER was jealous that u got there first. I was truly and genuinely happy for you. But i know the ppl close to u might have poison your mind with saying all kind of things. Again, i should stress, you dont seem to know me if u believe them..
I hope the best for u and all your ones. Althought sometimes i do miss you and your siblings. I cant help to think after all these years, mayb i still odnt know any of you. And for me the stunt with the video from ur mother was another blow. even if we were all friends and ok, it wouldve been like a joke but i would still be hurt abit. But after pretty much ignoring me for 3 months for her to send that and sign off with her name. For me its rude , hurtful and just plain mean. I may not talk to all of u , but i would never done anything like that. But anyways, thanks so much to your mom for making me understood where i NOW stand.. and i dont know what the future lies for us . But this is my side of the story.
Who knows what the future lies for both of us, our friendship .. but I do at times think of you.. how can i not... for good 8 years, i always consider u my best friend. Anyways, I honestly wish u all the best for everything that is going for u and ur future. And u are lucky to have found a Man who is as awesome as him. Treat his right, listen to him .. he is wiser beyond his age.!! may god bless u always ... xoxo
Ps : This blog is not to hurt anyone especially You... its just for me to explain my side and just for me to express myself...
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